According to the adverts, at Christmas everyone feels wonderful! Some may be falling in love, experiencing the joy of parenthood, excited for food and presents. It can feel that everywhere you turn, there are images of happy and contended families celebrating together but what if Christmas isn't like that for you?
Christmas is often romanticised, we can see this in depictions of the birth of Jesus. In the nativity, Mary and Joseph are engaged to be married when she becomes pregnant. Joseph considers leaving but is convinced by an angel who comes to him, that they should be married and that the baby is the son of God. Despite Joseph’s faith, others around him aren’t so sure. The couple is excluded from their families and their villages, the only homes they would have known, due to the stigma of pregnancy before marriage. We have an idyllic, rose-coloured image of Jesus being born in the stable but the reality is that Joseph and Mary had nowhere else to go. Shunned by their families and denied shelter, they were left alone, fearful of the future and unsure what might happen next.
This feels symbolic of how Christmas can be represented in film and media- all lights, glitter, food and celebration. Yet we know, for many people, that Christmas can highlight the things that we don't have and the difficulties we do have, making us feel more alone and isolated. It can be very powerful to believe that everyone around you is having a wonderful time.
So what can you do to support yourself? Our top tips are:
Accept that the perfect Christmas is a myth. No one is having the perfect time with no challenges- that is a unrealistic goal that will set you up to fail.
Don't compare yourself to others. Â People's Christmas pictures online may look perfect but often pictures don't contain all the complexities and difficulties in life.
Face the financial pressure. Be clear, realistic and open with your financial boundaries and stick to them. You don't need to keep up with others.
Be gentle and kind with yourself- it's ok to feel however you feel about Christmas. Watch out for unrealistic expectations you might have about you should feel.
What do you want and need? Christmas doesn't have to be the same way each year. If Christmas dinner doesn't work for you, you can change it. New traditions can always be created.
Think about family boundaries. Being together can be difficult and the pressure can highlight difficulties or bring up past conflict. Look for those relationships that feed you, and ask for help from others to manage boundaries with the more difficult relationships.
Speak to someone. If you can reach out to a friend or a community, you may find the connection helps. If you need to speak to someone over Christmas, you can always reach
The Samaritans 116 123
Release the Pressure (24/7) text the word SHOUT to 85258 or call 0800 107 0160.
Sevenoaks Counselling is an affordable professional service offering counselling both online and in Sevenoaks, Kent. We are made up of qualified, experienced therapists who work with adults, couples, teenagers, children and families.
Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash
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